Online Dating – How It Really Works

Aziz knows whats up - online dating tips and guide
Aziz knows whats up

A long time ago – before the advent of online dating, most of us were limited to meeting new people based upon opportunities presented within our own social circle.  It was a simpler, albeit more limited world.  Today, Pew Research estimates that 27% of young people (18 to 24 year olds) have tried it.  This is triple what it was for that demographic in 2013.  The same data showed similarly high usage among singles well into middle age, with usage finally tapering off after forty-five.  And so, for better or worse, we can assume that the number of online dating users will continue to climb.

This website is (mostly) written as an online dating guide for men from the perspective of a PUA (pickup artist).  To clarify, my definition of a pickup artist is a guy who approaches and flirts with a girl(s) in a situation, where they would otherwise have never met (a cold approach).  Such men have been around throughout history, take for example Casanova.  The modern day incarnations of pickup artists (PUA’s) referred to such successful and self taught seducers as naturals, and attempted to emulate them.  In fact some modern day pickup artists have reached a level of success in seduction that matched, or even exceeded, Casanova’s documented conquests.  The impression I believe has been formed by the general public of PUA’s when they entered the public consciousness through books and reality tv shows in the mid 2000’s, is of guys who approached, and through the use of verbal trickery attempted to seduce women.  While there is certainly some valid criticism of PUA’s, as I write about in a later article, I personally don’t believe in the use of any kind of verbal trickery (lies, insults) to build attraction with the opposite sex.  Regarding my earlier definition of a pickup artist, I’m aware that there will be some overlap with any guy who has ever flirted with a girl. I’ll use an example to help make the distinction – most guys (including PUA’s) will readily talk to an attractive girl at a friend’s house party, however they are less likely to do so in a Starbucks, or on the subway.  It just feels more awkward, and something of a social violation, at least it did to me.

What follows below is a bit about my own personal story, and my reasons for creating this site.

I first tried online dating almost ten years ago when I moved to a new town for my first post college job, where my social circle consisted of two male friends.  I remember many lonely evenings in front of my computer browsing pof and okCupid writing carefully thought out messages to girl after girl, and not getting any replies, or worse getting a profile view from the girl, and then no reply. That would hurt lol. I’m a 5ft 6 inch, indian guy (no, I’m not Aziz Ansari) and I was in about average shape.  I was too naive to realize how much looks counted in online dating, and was hurt by the rejections.  Fast forward to the present – the only thing that’s changed about me physically, is that I’m about ten pounds heavier.  However if I was to go on a first time online date now, I would actually be surprised if I didn’t end up having sex.  (Note: That’s not to say that’s all I look for when going on a date.  It just seemed to happen more often than not when things clicked with someone.)

What’s made the difference? My knowledge.  Somewhere along the way I became a pickup artist as well, and the principles of attraction that I ended up learning helped me a lot when it came to online dating. My main motivation in creating this page, is because I felt the many “how to” advice columns and guides out there didn’t acknowledge the reality of what online dating is like for the millions of poor schmucks that do it. There is no golden ticket that’ll get you your dream girl. The best way to get a woman who is a 9 or 10 looks wise via online dating, is to be a 9 or 10 yourself. In fact it’s the only way. (Besides being some kind of sugar daddy lol). That’s not to say you couldn’t hook up with someone significantly more physically attractive than you, just that online dating isn’t the venue for it. In fact online dating is not my favourite way to meet a woman. I prefer cold approach, or through my social circle, you don’t have to go through all that crap just to get someone to meet up for the first time. The advantage of online dating is when you actually do meet, she should already be attracted to you, and intrigued about how far this date will go.

If you are viewing this page on a mobile device, scroll up and touch the Menu button next to the main title to display a layout of all the articles.  The 14 or so pages should nominally be read in the order on the menu from left to right, top to bottom.  From the article on abundance mentality and onwards, we change it up from a basic tutorial for online dating, to a broader discussion about the mental issues that keep men from success with women, comparing online dating with cold approaching women, the main criticisms I’ve heard about pickup artists, and the benefits of dating coaching.

Bookmark this site and take your time digesting each article. It is not a quick read. If you feel that you are satisfied with your online profile, but find it’s hard to convert any interest into solid dates – then skip ahead to the section on messaging and read my sample conversations (side note: the best way to improve messaging results is often to work on your profile). If you find yourself on dates that don’t seem to go anywhere – then read ahead to my what to do on a first date page.  Once you’ve read up to the moving forward page, you will have a platform for understanding attraction between men and women, and can relate this back to incidents in your own life. You should then have the knowledge to take the steps necessary to see the changes you want in your dating life.  My coaching links page will have a list of dating coaches and professionals in the industry that can help you on your journey.  My blog will have more recent articles answering your questions, and supporting the main articles found in the menu at the top of this page.

The next page – attraction online vs real life, is pretty fundamental so I recommend reading it before skipping around pages.  After attraction we’ll talk about building your online profile.

Keep Reading!

 – The Online Dating PUA

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